I love my to-do lists.
These lists are my friends. They keep me company, go everywhere with me, keep me on track, and remind me what to do when I’ve forgotten what I’m supposed to get done. I have lists on my phone, lists on sticky notes, reminders in the car, and e-calender appointments to help me get all the things done that go along with working, taking care of a family of six, and growing a business. The list is how I keep track of what needs to be done.
I used to think having a list was like playing a game: If I finish the list for the day, I win! I’d start each day thinking that I would get everything done on the list and then I could reward myself with some downtime. When the list is finished I can watch a show or read a book. I can take a long bath or go to sleep early if I’m tired.
The problem with that thinking was that I rarely get to the end of the list. The trick no one tells you about being an adult is that the list never ends. There’s always more to do. So even when I decide to put reading or rest or “downtime” on the list, my brain remembers the other things on the list and wants to hustle through the downtime to get the rest of the list done. The crazy-making part is that my I-win-if-I-finish-the-list mentality created that hustle in the first place! My own thinking causes the rush and win-or-lose feeling to my day.
If in order to win I have to finish the list, then by definition when I don’t finish the list, then I lose. Of course, if there’s more on my to-do list than I can finish in one day and there’s always more to add to the list, then I will be losing much more than I win. Now, if that was just the way it is, then I’d have to figure out how to make peace with that. But the definition of winning and losing is completely made up – and I made the rules. I created this absolute win-or-lose system for my list – how culturally American of me!
This mentality creeps in with weight loss too. When we create an eating plan for ourselves, we make the rules. We get to choose what success means, but generally, we decide that following the plan perfectly and the number on the scale going down is the one definition of success. Any other result is a failure. If the scale doesn’t go down, we lose. If we make a mistake on our plan, we lose.
However long-term weight loss is dependent on long-term behavior change. Change that lasts requires practice, and practice means we have to make mistakes, then successful weight loss means that we will make mistakes and the number on the scale won’t go down in a straight line. An all-or-nothing mentality doesn’t work with the to-do list, and it doesn’t serve us in weight loss.
Why? If we create win/lose in our weight loss, doesn’t that mean we will try harder and strive better and win more often than we lose? Actually, no. When we rig the game against ourselves and we realize that we’re going to lose much of the time, we’re more likely to give up. Ever play tic-tac-toe? Once you realize most rounds of tic-tac-toe are going to end in a draw, you stop playing. We do the same thing with weight loss – we just call it “that diet didn’t work for me” or “I just can’t lose weight”.
What if there’s a way to change the game so the way we write the rules makes us successful? The good news is, since we make the game in the first place, we can change it up. Instead of playing an all-or-nothing game where you can only win if you finish the day perfectly, what if we celebrate all the accomplishments we make that day? What if I use my to-do list for me instead of against me? What if weight loss success is also defined as the incremental changes and improvements we make?
What does that look like? I’ve started listing all the things I got done at the end of the day. Usually, this includes a lot more than what I had on the to-do list. Looking back at what I’ve accomplished makes me feel like a rock star!
For weight loss, we can celebrate that we ate the lunch we planned instead of the drug rep lunch (even if we ate a cookie too because we know that in the past we would have bailed on our homemade lunch). We give ourselves a pat on the back when we wait to eat until we’re truly hungry when normally we’d have grabbed snacks with each stressful moment during the day. We remember to feel satisfaction when we eat slowly and stop eating when our body says to, even when there’s more food on the plate. We celebrate the wins and successes, not just record the misses or losses.
Losing weight can be accomplished with an iron will and beating yourself down to do the “right” thing. But getting all the weight off and keeping it off? That tactic won’t work. Your willingness to take that kind of abuse from yourself just won’t last.
Think of your mind as a young teenager – how much resistance will you get when you talk down to her? Tons. Loads. Your mind will push back and resist and rebel, so the weight comes back along with your self-sabotage. Supporting yourself and your efforts is how you keep the willingness to move forward.
I don’t want to give up my to-do list because it helps me get things done. I like working my list in a way that reminds me of the powerful tool it is, reflects my accomplishments, and reminds me how smart and powerful I am. This helps me keep moving forward. Whether you take slow steps forward or whether you’re running, if you’re moving toward your goal you will get there. The constant forward movement is how you reach your goals, whether it’s weight loss or building a business or living a life you love.
Sticking with the plan and moving toward your goal is hard but worthy work. Keep going and you’ll make it!
Do you want help to get on and stay on track toward your permanent weight loss goal? I can help you! Schedule your free one-hour call with me here or email me and let’s get started!
I know you think you’re in charge of yourself, but your mind has other ideas. Here’s why you keep sabotaging your weight loss plan – check out this week’s video on Weight Loss Mindset! Come join me!
