Ever feel like you need a reset button?
I certainly do. Sometimes I feel like I’m spinning around going nowhere fast. We spent the last week away on the beach in Florida and I thought that would be enough rest and time to get some perspective. It wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong – we had a great time, played in the sand and sun and enjoyed each other. But even though we spent most days laying on the beach, there were still meals to cook, clean up for eight to do, and kids who needed stuff (like hydrocortisone for my baby who got a chemical burn from the sensitive sunscreen I bought her). Just lots to do…
Our family sand castle…
So here I am back, feeling out of sorts because I still have a million things to do and I feel like my focus is off. The good news is I know why, and I know what I need to do. The bad news is that I’m having trouble doing it. Let me explain…
About eleven years ago I lost 60 pounds. I wrote about it in my very first post How I Lost My Weight. For years after, even with two more pregnancies, I was able to maintain my weight loss. Four years ago when I started seriously studying holistic nutrition, I started to struggle with my weight again. Nothing too serious at first, but a very gradual creep of a few pounds a year which has resulted in being 10-15 pounds above where I feel comfortable in my body. And despite all my nutritional knowledge and former success, the weight hasn’t gone away. Now, I could blame it on being in my 40’s, but that’s not completely true. But I have identified two major reasons why I’m struggling right now.
After one of the last Tea Talks, the feedback I got from the participants was that they’d like to hear more about emotional eating. At the time, I just wasn’t sure I was equipped to teach on that – it’s a BIG topic! But I filed it away for future research. And recently I started reading lots of books on the subject, including many by Geneen Roth (an expert and author in emotional eating). That reading has opening up a rabbit hole that I’ve fallen into – and there’s no way I can describe it all in this post. But here are the highlights: I didn’t know I was an emotional eater, weight maintenance is different from weight loss, and this is a very big deal. So one reason I know I’m struggling is that I never figured out what weight was where I should stay, and when I was there how to eat for maintenance. I learned how to eat to lose, and I can go back to that (and need to). But then what?
The second reason I’m struggling is that I never really made peace with the sensation of hunger. I’m afraid of it. That’s hard to admit. I don’t like being uncomfortable, and I still think hunger is a discomfort to be avoided at all costs. So even if I muster up the will to go back to tolerating the sensation of hunger for the purpose of weight loss, I won’t be committed to obeying that signal for the rest of my life. And that’s what it will take to maintain my normal, comfortable body weight. Hunger will be the only signal I will use to eat, and I will need to learn to wait and welcome it. I won’t muscle through from one hunger to the next, resenting having to wait for hunger or stop when I’m politely full.
So what am I going to do? There are times when you know you have to change what you do because it’s just not working. And sometimes, you have to realize you’ve wandered and you need to get back and start over fresh. That’s why I love spring – it’s a fresh new start! I got out this morning for a walk (even though it was 37 degrees!) and I got some clarity. Getting out, walking and talking to God helps my mind, and I had let that go in favor of meditating and listening to God. Neither is better than the other, but I need both to be balanced. So I’m getting back to my walks – something about that fresh air changes me. I’m also going to get back to the basics of eating when I’m hungry and stopping when I’m full. It doesn’t matter the dietary philosophy if you eat without these basic boundaries. Diets lead to feeling restricted, and this leads to binges (small or big), and these cause weight gain. So it’s back to basics for me. And I’m hopeful. It may be the fresh air and the new flowers sprouting up here in Georgia, but whatever it is, the new start feels good. And my prayer is for my loving commitment and consistency to last!
How are you feeling about this season you’re in now – hopeful or discouraged? What are you want to do about it? Please share in the comments below!