This is the start of a series of pandemic posts I’m bringing back. As much as we’d all like to leave the pandemic in the past, the truth is that there were some beautiful and powerful lessons that the pandemic can teach us if we let it. The hard emotions we felt during the pandemic (sadness, fear, overwhelm) were reasons people used food to soothe themselves – the resulting weight gain we called “The Pandemic 15”. But you know what – “The Pandemic 15” didn’t just disappear after the pandemic ended, did they? That’s because we still experience the same emotions and we think they are responsible for our inability to lose weight. I want to teach you how to have all the emotions you have as you live your busy, hectic, challenging life AND still lose the weight you want to lose. You only have this one beautiful life – you might as well live it in the body you want. Let’s get started!
I cried all the way through Sunday service last week.
It was graduation Sunday and the whole service was focused on honoring our graduates. There were songs and announcements and a sermon and all the normal parts of the service, but there was a segment set aside to recognize each graduate. The parents of each graduate had written them a letter filled with memories, advice for the future, and encouragement as they went forth into the next phase of their lives and the minister read these aloud as each graduate was recognized. We do this every year, but this was the first time we did it over a virtual meeting and not in person.
It’s always touching to watch the graduates stand up on stage, smiling with a mix of embarrassment and pride as they hear the letters their parents have written. But as the photos of the grads showed up on the screen, I started thinking about the proms missed, and the graduation ceremonies not held, about my cousin in Virginia who didn’t get to finish playing his spring season of baseball as a senior. I wondered what it must be like for them to be unsure of their fall plans because of the pandemic, instead of excitedly planning for their fall semester in college. I looked around at my babies and wondered, what will graduation be like when they finish high school? Will they get to celebrate with friends and finish their plans and goals? My sense of loss for these kids was profound and deep. It felt like the normal that so often is unappreciated was just not available now, and I mourned for each of them. The tears started coming, very quietly.
As the service continued, the sermon was given by a young man in our congregation. Honestly, I don’t remember everything he talked about. But he spent some of his time talking about his life before finding God, and how he was like the prodigal son living for pleasure. He shared how that life produced a deep anguish in him, to the point where he became suicidal. His story made me understand a little more how deeply our kids are affected by the world in which we live, even when they seem happy and well. I looked at my children’s faces and wondered, what hurts are happening in those hearts and minds that I don’t know about? I thought about the families who lost their loved ones to gun violence and police brutality lately, and how they were without them this Sunday morning as I sat with my family. The tears came faster.
As we continued in the last song of the service, the beauty of the music and singing was overwhelming. Instead of singing as usual, I sat and listened, allowing the tears to fall. I let the feelings of sadness and overwhelm and mourning and hope in God wash over me. My family watched me with concern, and the kids came over one by one to pat my shoulder or rub my back. When service was over, my husband asked me if I wanted to share what I was feeling. So I did.
You know, I spend a lot of my energy trying to be happy. I work on the thoughts that I create that cause my discomfort and upset to be sure that I’m thinking deliberately. I believe there is incredible value in being the manager of my mind instead of allowing it to manage me. But a human life is not designed to be one of pure happiness. Trying to live a life where the goal is to be happy is destined to be a life full of disappointments and frustration. The full range of the human experience includes sadness, disappointment, grief, fear, and pain. There are so many emotions that we have available to us, and I want to be able to feel them.
You might think you’d rather have a life without sadness, pain, or grief. But truly, if someone dies, do you want to be happy about it? I’m pretty sure you’d want to be able to mourn their passing, to celebrate their life. If they suffered, you may want to feel relief at the end of their pain. We have all the emotions available to us so that we can live the full range of human life.
On that Sunday, I needed to be sad, to feel the loss, to allow the pain of the pandemic and its effects to pass through me. I needed to mourn the loss of the lives of Ahmaud Arbery and Brianna Taylor and George Floyd. I celebrate the graduates and their accomplishments! But I recognize the losses that we have experienced during this time and I grieve too.
So, if you aren’t feeling fully able to celebrate and enjoy life right now, that’s OK. Sometimes sadness is the emotion you choose. You can change it if you want, and you can choose thoughts that focus on all the blessings and love and joy and goodness in your wonderful, inspiring, joyful gift of life as a human being.
But if you have hard feelings, you can feel those too and know that all emotions are part of your human experience. Nothing has gone wrong if you’re sad, angry, or overwhelmed. Feeling the feelings is part of life. Eating can distract you from your pain – but it won’t fix it. Ever.
I know my thoughts on that Sunday caused my feelings, and that I can choose other thoughts to produce different emotions. It’s okay to feel the feelings, to choose the thoughts, to live this life fully. It’s a piece of the wholeness we are searching for!
Are you eating your emotions and want help learning how to take care of yourself in a different way? Has emotional eating been your pattern for so long that you don’t know how to stop it?
I can help you. Schedule a call with me here or email me at drandreachristianparks@gmail.com . Let’s work together to help you lose weight no matter what challenges your life brings!
If you’re feeling more than sadness, if you need help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
And, if you haven’t gotten over to see me on YouTube yet, come see my most recent series on Getting Your Weight Loss Motivation Back! I can help you lose instead of gain right now!
