What exactly is a weight loss mindset? Can it help me lose weight? I brought back this post from a few years back to teach not only why weight loss requires a certain mindset, but also why the wrong frame of mind prevents you from losing weight. The first video in my Weight Loss Mindset Series is at the bottom of this post, so keep reading…
I want to share a secret with you this week. It’s something that has completely changed how I understand not only my own motivations but also those of other people. Fascinating stuff! But first, a story…
This week was one of those weeks where I started to question the validity of my own decisions. I mean, who in their right mind works the job I work, manages a homeschool for four kids, works as a life coach part-time, and creates an online weight loss course? Between normal work and coaching calls, business building and coursework to learn the course creation, and working through the weekend, I skated into Sunday on two wheels with my hair on fire. Seriously, I had a day last week that started at 5 a.m. heading to work at the hospital and ended with three Zoom calls that I didn’t finish until 9 p.m.
As much as I wanted to join the outdoor parking lot service planned for church this week, I didn’t go. You know, I still want to feel guilty about that. My mind tried hard to get me to go, to convince me that I should and that it was the right thing to do. Fortunately, I caught on to that mind-trap. I got still for just a moment and listened, and my spirit said to go to sleep. The vision of me sitting in the car, exhausted and cranky and snapping at everyone because I really wanted to be asleep bubbled up in my mind. Besides, if I woke up in time, I could always jump in my car and head over to service.
My trusty chariot…
I woke up at noon. And only because the dog was barking like a lunatic at delivery man.
I never sleep like that! Usually, I rest for an hour or two and get up and then my bladder wakes me up. Or else I have things to do and I set an alarm so I don’t miss the whole day. This time I shut off the phones and slept until that silly dog woke me up. Truly, I was surprised at how tired I must have been. I don’t regret how I spent the week, but I am really glad that I took the time to sleep when I could. There’s almost never a time when the house is free of children and quiet enough for me to recover from working overnight, so this was a very good choice.
Isn’t it funny how even though I knew I needed sleep I was willing to sacrifice it to go to church because it was “the right thing to do”? We moms do that a lot, don’t we? Someone else needs or wants and we decide to make it happen because we can or we “should”, but our needs go straight to the bottom of the list. I’m not saying you shouldn’t sacrifice for others or always put yourself first, but there’s a balance here. Grinding yourself down for the sake of everyone else isn’t healthy. When I’m strung out from doing too much, I’m not very pleasant. Really, I’m not fit for human consumption! I can try to pull my attitude together and be nice, but I can do it better when I’m also tended to.
Can you identify my motivation for trying to go to church instead of sleep? I wasn’t excited to see my friends, wanting to get out of the house, or looking forward to the music and fellowship (all of which I love). It was guilt. I was going to go to church because I wanted to avoid the feeling of guilt that I would feel if I didn’t go. I hate to feel guilty – it makes me feel wrong. Not like I just did something wrong, but that I am wrong. And that’s a thoroughly unpleasant emotion, so I avoid it when I can. And when I do the thing that I think should make me feel guilty, I rationalize why I did it and why it was the right thing to do. Then I feel like I have a valid defense for why I did that thing.
She’s cute, but this is ME inside!
That’s a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid an emotion! Now, as a coach, I know that what I need to do is identify the thought that is producing my guilty emotion, decide if I want to keep the thought, and if I don’t I can choose to practice thinking a different thought. Sunday morning I was too tired to get all that together. Thank goodness I’ve practiced being still and listening enough to make a rational decision! But all this story brings us to the secret motivation behind why we all do what we do:
Everything we do is because of how we think it will make us feel.
In this situation, I was acting to avoid feeling guilty. You may make dinner for your family because you’ll feel proud of doing something worthwhile and beneficial for your family. Finishing all your paperwork in the office makes you feel accomplished. I raise my voice at the kids because I think I’ll feel more respected once they listen to me. And on and on and on. We don’t do things because we think about them – we act from the emotions we feel or anticipate feeling.
Changes how you see the actions people take, doesn’t it? When someone yells at their kids, they think they’ll feel better after they release their frustration (even though they often don’t). You finish clearing the mail off the counter because you think you’ll feel satisfied after the counter is clean. Kids take toys from each other because they think having the toy will make them happy (and then they forget about it two minutes later). We eat the cookie because we think it will relieve our stress (even though we feel worse afterward). We snack and eat off our plan because we want to feel taken care of, even though eating in a way that sabotages makes us feel uncared for.
So next time you do something you don’t like and you’re not really sure why you did it, ask yourself, “How did I think that would make me feel?” You’ll understand yourself better and maybe you can sprinkle a little compassion on yourself instead of giving yourself the good ol’ fashioned beat-down. Even better, when you’ve got a funky attitude, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” Find the thought that produces the way you really want to feel instead of the one producing the funk, and you’ll feel better!
Have you ever tried to purposefully produce the thoughts and emotions you want to have? It’s simple work, but it isn’t always easy! The more you practice, the better you’ll get. And if you want to speed your growth in this area, working with a coach is like kindling to a fire – and that’s where I can help! If you want to get your mindset to work FOR you, set up a call with me, and let’s get to work!
And for those of you who’ve been anticipating a new weight loss series, this week I’ve released the intro to my latest YouTube video class. I’m really excited about this one because we’re camping out in my sweet spot, the intersection between weight and mindset, where the magic happens for successful long-term weight loss. Join me!
