NOT celebrating progress on your journey is a super sneaky way of self-sabotaging your success. And it’s not easy to get yourself out of because the thoughts are deeply ingrained in your subconscious brain. You just think this way (and so do I!). Even though I wrote this post a few years ago and I’ve improved A LOT in this skill, I still can easily slip back into this kind of self-defeating thinking. So I decided to bring this one back for you and to take a dose of my own medicine!
Scroll all the way to the bottom to get the link for the next installment in my Weight and Hormones video series…
Am I the only one who struggles to see the progress they’ve made?
I met with a coach today to talk about some of my frustrations with growing my business. While I was griping about how I couldn’t find the answers I needed in the entrepreneur course materials and describing my irritation at how slowly I was moving along, I had a moment. It was weird, almost an out-of-body experience. I watched myself repeat these thoughts about how I thought things ought to be and realized that even though this situation of growing a business is newer, the thoughts are very old. Becoming a doctor was all about learning to do things the right way, to learn the information, and then implement it in a very particular fashion. To me, it seemed that business building ought to be the same – out of the millions of people who’ve started businesses there must be a basic road map to creating a business structure! Apparently not…
Each time I get ready to move forward to the next step, I feel like I’m blocked. I check a bunch of stuff off my list, I create the things to do and then I get to something I’m not sure of and my mind says I’m starting from scratch. Feeling inept and uncertain sucks – I do not like those feelings! I’d much rather feel confident and prepared for action. I’d like to be able to blame it on the experience of being a novice, which is only avoidable if I choose to never start anything new. Well, that’s not going to happen. Even if I choose not to build my coaching business, assuming I keep living I’ll still have to learn to be the mom of adults, to parent with my husband as they grow up, and to live in my body as I age. So I’m always going to have to learn to cope with being new at something. No, the problem is not being a learner in a new situation. My problem is how I’m thinking about it…
Being a learner is a neutral circumstance. Some people love the excitement of a new challenge in front of them, so it’s not really the situation that’s the problem. My brain tends to think that doing something new ought to be easy, or that there are rules or guidelines somewhere and I need someone to give them to me. When I don’t know what to do, I tend to switch over to my thought around commitment which says I’m going to do the work anyway because I agreed to do the work. So I get things done, but I’m often gritting my teeth and muscling through the process. When I’ve gotten some things done, I put my head down and write a list of more things and get those done. Eventually, I get the result I’m aiming for, but then the whole thing is over and I need a new goal. Sounds like lots of fun, right?
Right – about as much fun as eating gravel. So if I’m going to spend time pursuing dreams and building things, why am I torturing myself along the way? The easy answer is this: That’s the way I’ve done it before. It works, but I spend very little time actually enjoying the process. I recently watched a recording of a coach who advised her client to spend more time celebrating both her actions and her results. She reminded her that it takes A LOT to follow through with the plans we make. Sometimes we drag ourselves kicking and screaming through our work, whether it’s sticking to a weight loss goal, disciplining our kids, or building a business. How often do we look back and acknowledge the work we’ve actually done? For me, the answer is very rarely. I almost never look back over my day or week and honor the work I’ve completed. How many patients did I help, how many times did I explain something to my children, or how many times did I respect my eating plan? How many things on my list did I actually finish rather than lament all the things I didn’t get done yet? Even when it comes to the big moments, when I look back at different accomplishments in my life, they almost seem like a blip in time. I don’t even really remember taking much time to celebrate graduating from medical school – I was too busy looking forward and planning for residency.
There are three problems with thinking this way.
One, we all spend most of our lives working toward something, so it seems to me that we ought to enjoy the process. Otherwise, we’re spending an awful lot of time making ourselves miserable.
Two, if the only thing that matters is the goal or the result of the work, then we only enjoy those milestones, which are much fewer than most of the moments of our lives.
And three, if we treat ourselves as if new goals require us to be miserable because the whole process is awful, then we will pursue and produce much less with our lives. Managing how we think about approaching new things matters. How we think about this will determine what we make of the time we have in this life. I want to do everything God has planned for me to do while I’m here!
So here’s what I’m doing to help myself as I grow and expand. Since I’m a list maker anyway, I plan to review my lists and my calendar every day to reflect back on what I’ve gotten done. I’ll dwell less on what I didn’t finish or still have ahead – I have scheduled time to work on that already! When I look at what I’ve done, I plan to practice a new thought: “I’m amazing – look at how much I got done today!” Yep, it feels weird, like I’m bragging. But I prefer to think that I’m encouraging myself, just like I would for one of my girlfriends. Enjoying the work that I’m doing makes me much more motivated to do more. So I want to celebrate all the accomplishments, the small and great ones. I want to acknowledge the progress, even on days it seems I got very little done. On those days, the roadblocks and interruptions are also the way forward if I choose to see them that way. And when my brain wants to gripe and complain and remind me that I’d be much more comfortable if I wasn’t trying something new, I can remind it that building something new is worth a little discomfort. And I’ll enjoy the celebration as I grow!
Do you have trouble celebrating your own growth and accomplishment? Do you acknowledge your wins? I know it can be hard – seems like there’s always something more to do before you can celebrate!
If you want help using your mind effectively to accomplish your goal, that’s exactly what a coach is for. Email me at drandreachristianparks@gmail.com or schedule your free session here – I can help you make the changes you want to make!
Here’s this week’s video about Weight and Hormones!
