We went to our college homecoming this past weekend.

 

Last year was my 20th year reunion from Hampton University and the first time I had gone back for homecoming since I graduated. My husband also graduated from HU (but with a different class) and went with me for the festivities. It was wonderful – I had forgotten how much fun it was to see all the familiar faces! I loved getting caught up with my classmates and my old friends and hearing about the changes and progress in their lives. We didn’t go to as many parties and gatherings as I thought we would, but we still had a good time.

 

Me and my front on the Gamma Iota Spring ’97 Delta Sigma Theta line – love her!

 

This year was my husband’s 20th anniversary celebration for his fraternity, so we headed back to homecoming again. We flew in early, planned to attend lots of events, and hung out with more of his friends this year. We went out to eat, wandered the campus talking to friends during the football game, and danced the nights away.  We had a great time! We stayed in a house with Perry’s fraternity brother and his family, and I got to have some wonderful conversations with his wife over the meals we shared. We both felt like we got to grow our friendship over the weekend. But something was missing…

 

I couldn’t figure it out. The first year back, I thought that something felt off because I didn’t go to as many events as I wanted to. But when I had the same feeling this year, I started to feel like there was something more going on. At first I thought it was because fewer of my classmates were there, because it wasn’t a reunion year. There also weren’t as many of my sorority sisters there, but a good number of us were there, so that wasn’t it. It was something more fundamental.

 

 

My closest friends from college were missing. The people who I spent the most time with over my four years in college, the ones I had the most common experiences with, and the ones who were also most likely to go their own way weren’t back for homecoming. And I missed them.

 

I started sending messages.

 

 

When I was at Hampton, I auditioned and was selected for the dance company on campus. Two of my closest friends were also in the company with me. Both of them were instrumental in helping Perry and I get together. They were in our wedding! One of them still lives in the area. So on Sunday afternoon when I messengered Meche and she responded, I was thrilled! We had seen each other over the years, not recently. She was at her dance studio near campus and had time to meet up. So we drove right over.

I got to see the studio and hear about her kids (the oldest who is pre-med at Hampton!) and share about ours. It almost felt like we’d never been apart. When she introduced me to her business partner as her best friend, I wanted to cry. She still loves me!

 

We talked and talked, just like in the college days. We laughed and talked about life and family and work and what’s been happening at Hampton over the years. And then she did what friends do: She lifted me up. She shared with me about how the work I’ve been doing on my talks and on this blog had helped her and her daughter, and she encouraged me to keep going. If you’ve ever written a blog or something similar, you know that it can seem like you’re sending your heart out into the black hole of cyberspace. You’re not really sure if you’re making a ripple in anyone’s life. But when she shared the ways that what I was doing was helping her, even from far away, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. Sometimes life gets very busy and overwhelming and I get very, very tired. I’m often tempted to cut out anything I can’t justify as essential, like going to work and feeding the kids. But being with my friend helped me want to keep going, to keep trying. That’s worth more than I can measure.

 

 

Friends matter. It’s true what they say – friends are the family you choose for yourself. As I mature, I realize just how much I need my friends, both the new ones and the ones from my past. It can be hard to keep close though, especially when we live far from each other. One of my very best friends from when I lived in North Carolina is in Texas – but she’s texting me about Christmas and birthday gifts for the kids and planning to come to town for the next big birthday party. Social media gets a bad rap sometimes, but it helped me reconnect recently with one of my closest friends from high school. We’re able to help each other through raising our children and navigating the challenges of family and career.  I’ve spent many years going to school, getting through residency, and staying focused on achieving my goals. One thing I have not done well is care for friendships. I’ve often felt lonely and wondered why I didn’t have friends around me. But I remember what one of my good friends here in Georgia taught me: You need to be a friend to have friends. So I’m learning to hold these relationships close to my heart, and put them in the front of my mind. I need these women in my life! These women have my heart, and I have theirs.  It’s a treasure, and I plan to remember to treat it that way!

 

How do you care for your friendships in the midst of your busy life? Have you been nurturing your relationships or have they fallen behind in priority? Please share in the comments below – I could use some help!