The Love Series Part 3: Worthy of Love

Welcome back everyone! This week we’re going to wrap up The Love Series by talking about a topic that can be hard to grasp. I want to explore the idea of being worthy of love. Most of us find it fairly easy to see the wonderful in other people. We admire accomplishments and successes in the people in our lives and marvel at the beautiful in their heart and character. But when we turn our eyes back onto ourselves, suddenly the lens goes dark. Our eye becomes more critical and harsh. We see every misstep and error as glaring evidence against us, as justification for why we aren’t as lovable as everyone else. At least, I do.

What is this? Here’s what happens to me. I spend time with a friend and as I listen to her, I see all over again why I love her in the first place. I remember her kindness, her generosity, her vulnerability and I love her even more. Never mind that she’s scatterbrained sometimes or wasn’t able to help the last time I needed something. That’s just a little thing – I love her anyway. I mean really, look at all the good in her! And then I yell at my kids. And instead of remembering all the times I’ve talked them through their fights or reminded them calmly to clean up their things for the 2769th time, what I know in that moment is why I shouldn’t even be allowed to be around them unsupervised because I am unfit as a human. Yep, sounds dramatic, but that’s what’s in my head. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me these children – I’m just ruining them! Or, I have the opportunity to love on my husband, but I have a list a mile long and I just really have to get through it all before I pass out for the night and doesn’t he understand how much of the load I’m carrying? That’s when I remember, how I’m so quick to put my to-do list first that I’m missing the chance to make a memory with the love of my life. Why did he marry me in the first place? I’m that foolish woman in Proverbs 14:1, tearing my own house down. I wouldn’t want to be married to her!

That critical voice…

So over and over again I see all the reasons that no one should love me. And I’m not loving me at all. Because I’ve decided that I’m just not worth it. Is anyone else feeling like this? It’s a hard, dark, lonely place to be. For a very long time, I wasn’t sure how I got here, again and again. But I’m starting to figure it out. See, ever since I was little I’ve been a caretaker, a healer. I was a big sister, I loved to take care of other people’s babies, I was the firstborn and I took pride in being responsible. So I learned to feel good about taking care of others, because that made me feel worthy. And doing for me? Well, that’s just me being selfish, right?

Nope. Not right. Not even a little. I had an epiphany some years back. I have three daughters, and I started thinking about what my life was teaching them. Running around on fumes like a mad woman, not taking a break, rarely feeding myself or nourishing my spirit because I was too busy. And I asked myself, “Would I want to see my girls living like this, exhausted and drained? Would I want them to believe that they didn’t matter compared to everyone around them?” Those questions stopped me in my tracks. I would NEVER want my girls to feel that way. They are too special, too wonderful to be treated like that. So am I. And so are you.

Yes, you!

I’m learning to see the light in me, the beauty that only I have to offer. (If you didn’t read it, see Part 1 of this series and you’ll see what I’m learning about me.) I’m learning to offer myself the grace that I offer the other people I love when they make a mistake. But it’s not just being gentle with myself when I make a mistake, or smiling at an effort I’ve made that didn’t go perfectly (instead of criticizing it). I’m learning that loving me is a requirement to loving others. I can’t give from a dry well. All that happens when I try to do that is frustration, a short-temper, and hurt feelings. The spirit girl in me wants to be loved too, seen and admired and cared for too. She has to matter too.

Sharing that love

And what about you? Aren’t you worthy of love? It’s hard to answer sometimes. You are. Here’s why: You were made as a unique and wonderful creation, and you are here to offer that beauty and light to the world in a way that no one else on earth can. Don’t you see that in your friends, your spouse, your children? So why not you? It doesn’t make sense for you (or me!) to be the only exception.

There are many of us who spend our lives taking care: of our children, our spouses, our friends, our patients and clients, and sometimes our parents. The caretakers, the healers, the givers have to be cared for before they can care for others. Here’s what I think: Those who give the most need to be cared for the most, because they have to pour themselves into others. If we aren’t being healed, cared for, loved, then the healing doesn’t pass on from us, the caring isn’t felt, the love isn’t flowing out. Needing love and healing isn’t something to feel guilty or selfish about. That would be like feeling selfish about needing to breathe or drink water! I feel that way sometimes. But I’m learning better. The more I want to pass on healing and love to those in my life, the more I need to spend time nourishing and loving my own heart. I’m becoming convinced, finally, that I am lovable and worthy of love.